These Things I Write

Reflections of a neurotic trainwreck





Darkness isn’t always easy to find.
Not as easy as turning off a light.

Continue reading “Dark.”



I learned not to look for meaning
in every open field of grass,

Continue reading “Learning.”

a crevice of eternity

I seldom slow down to truly ponder-
Thinking is a dangerous game-
But it hardly takes a second to crave.
(So I do,
Even as someone calls out my name
Over and over, until it is time to hide and be brave.)
It hardly takes a bit of sense
To consider a candle
Long past its time,
Still bleeding out uselessly-
The blind keep urging on a flickering flame
When they should blowing it out.
Someone thought to play a game
So here I stand, ever thinking,
Ever planning, ever falling short.
Ever missing, and ever missing out.
Ever wishing, ever aching,
Ever learning thankless lessons.
Ever seeing too clearly.
I would blow it out
Ever so swiftly, none would notice.
No ripple in the darkness around:
Regression to the quiet.
A constant groan would even out,
Tucked safely into a crevice of eternity
Never to be found.


I’m having an off day-
you know the kind-

Continue reading “Off”

Picture of Malaise

Drew a picture, half asleep,
Sunshine and a fountain
And of toys you put away
And pine for quietly when life is loudest.
Continue reading “Picture of Malaise”


You used to suck the sorrow
from this void.
Around us, the world could wilt
and fade away
when I drowned in numbness
you with your white hot iron grip
would drag me back to piercing emotion.
Where are you now?
All I have is every memory
Pulled out in gasps from my throat
All I have is your timestamp.
Where are you now?
In this arid land
My body is a thunderstorm
shackled to the bed,
muffled distress swallowed by fabric
lightning ripping this heart apart.
I need you now.
Where are you now?
Where are you?
Begging begets apathy.
Where are you now?
Come back
and drag your callus along my cheek, 
leave behind a bright red promise.

I have no excuse for this but needing an outlet. Bear with me. 


Don’t run,
Stay and learn
Wrap your folly around your wrist. 
It lives, breathing in your moist exhale:
Cold, clairvoyant death mist.

It closes around your pale weak skin
Manacle freezing to your rotting bone,
Choking the very life out of you-
Life you wanted to throw away-
Lunatic, stay!

Let your eyes slide shut.
Close your eyes and chase the light
All you see is dark?
Ignorance, blind one.
Dark walls dark panes dark eyes
Dark sins dark moment dark future.
Don’t run,
Stay and let us look at you.


Time slows down in a rain coated bubble.
Here, stories are magic
and words are power.
Here, love is grey
and longing melts in decrescendo.
Freedom is lovely,wrapped in red,
held out on a silver platter.
When time slows,
dream and waking hour blur together,
whirring, clicking,
drowned out by a passing thunderstorm.


I have nothing left to write
My words are spent,
My ink runs dry,
Words stumbled and spilled over,
Chained to a silent full stop.
My story has been cut short
Snatched away like reason in a mob
Or lost like a whisper in a storm.
It was not a pretty tale
But it was mine
And now I have none.
Now at night my desk is cold,
My mind throbs with phantom pain
My heart has said its all.
Now when talk dissolves into a hush
And time demands to ebb and slow
I gather up my hurt and go to sleep
With fragments of ideas my dreams generate
Now that I cannot create.

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