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These Things I Write

Reflections of a neurotic trainwreck

Reason

No reason for worry
But waiting as if stranded
on some remote isle
staring at pink sunsets
marking time desperately
watching moons wax and wane,
unblinking, sightless,
parched throat never quenched,
selfish wishes never granted,
mind dancing with madness.

No reason for sadness,
But no one ever showed me
how to be happy,
or to smile at scars and ugly marks
and claim beauty.

No reason for resentment
But when was art
ever born of contentment?
Things fall into place
in wildly wrong ways;
burned out, magic lost,
thoughts swirling,
caught in a tempest
-storms are always majestic;
that is why we live.

No reason for drowning,
but lungs filling with venom,
spitting out carcasses of love songs;
every inhale gasping deep,
clawing with blunt fingernails
at a shore nowhere to be found:
abandoned.

No reason for anguish, but
this stomach-roiling grind,
pursuit of ghosts and myths,
stories that go on and on
lies passed on
century after century.
Gifts of torment,
wretched soul to wretched soul.

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Hollow

All we have:
words fall out like loose teeth,
slip out of swollen mouths,
cut and bend and bleed
striking discord with numbed minds.
No purpose,
only hollow dreams;
no end in sight.
All we have are dusty roads
and crooked street signs,
full graveyards,
hopes shredded into fine fragments of scepticism,
semi-muses in irrelevant poetry,
written in waves of profound emotion,
cut back and butchered
over and over again;
dreamlike characters on movie screens
and books with broken spines
perused with broken hearts:
all paralysed.
All we have are too many words unknown,
too many forgotten,
too many people
suspected of our crimes,
too many abandoned
in a distant foggy past.
All we have is reality,
understood and fought against,
futile struggles as we trudge along.
Ordinary people with shattered dreams.
No end in sight.

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Miss

I miss

Continue reading “Miss”

Dark.

Clutch.

Darkness isn’t always easy to find.
Not as easy as turning off a light.

Continue reading “Dark.”

Learning.

I learned not to look for meaning
in every open field of grass,

Continue reading “Learning.”

a crevice of eternity

I seldom slow down to truly ponder-
Thinking is a dangerous game-
But it hardly takes a second to crave.
(So I do,
Even as someone calls out my name
Over and over, until it is time to hide and be brave.)
It hardly takes a bit of sense
To consider a candle
Long past its time,
Still bleeding out uselessly-
The blind keep urging on a flickering flame
When they should blowing it out.
Someone thought to play a game
So here I stand, ever thinking,
Ever planning, ever falling short.
Ever missing, and ever missing out.
Ever wishing, ever aching,
Ever learning thankless lessons.
Ever seeing too clearly.
I would blow it out
Ever so swiftly, none would notice.
No ripple in the darkness around:
Regression to the quiet.
A constant groan would even out,
Tucked safely into a crevice of eternity
Never to be found.

Off

I’m having an off day-
you know the kind-

Continue reading “Off”

Picture of Malaise

Drew a picture, half asleep,
Sunshine and a fountain
And of toys you put away
And pine for quietly when life is loudest.
Continue reading “Picture of Malaise”

Now

You used to suck the sorrow
from this void.
Around us, the world could wilt
and fade away
when I drowned in numbness
you with your white hot iron grip
would drag me back to piercing emotion.
Where are you now?
All I have is every memory
Pulled out in gasps from my throat
All I have is your timestamp.
Where are you now?
In this arid land
My body is a thunderstorm
shackled to the bed,
muffled distress swallowed by fabric
lightning ripping this heart apart.
I need you now.
Where are you now?
Where are you?
Begging begets apathy.
Where are you now?
Come back
and drag your callus along my cheek, 
leave behind a bright red promise.


I have no excuse for this but needing an outlet. Bear with me. 

Stay

Don’t run,
Stay and learn
Wrap your folly around your wrist. 
It lives, breathing in your moist exhale:
Cold, clairvoyant death mist.

It closes around your pale weak skin
Manacle freezing to your rotting bone,
Choking the very life out of you-
Life you wanted to throw away-
Lunatic, stay!

Let your eyes slide shut.
Close your eyes and chase the light
All you see is dark?
Ignorance, blind one.
Dark walls dark panes dark eyes
Dark sins dark moment dark future.
Don’t run,
Stay and let us look at you.

Slow

Time slows down in a rain coated bubble.
Here, stories are magic
and words are power.
Here, love is grey
and longing melts in decrescendo.
Freedom is lovely,wrapped in red,
held out on a silver platter.
When time slows,
dream and waking hour blur together,
whirring, clicking,
drowned out by a passing thunderstorm.

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